Ann Telnaes
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Ann Telnaes
  • About
  • Substack
  • Archives
  • Books
  • Writings & Interviews
  • Contact

Archives

For licensing information, please contact atelnaes@anntelnaes.com.

The election dispute continues. U.S. Economy Slows Down. 36.1 Million are HIV Infected. Mideast Violence Escalates. Hundreds of Palestinians Killed. Russia Sells radar System to China. Endeavor Docks with Space Shuttle. Iraq Stops Oil Exports. UN Condemns Israel.

December 2, 2000

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Bush Cheney. Florida Legislature. Put some more behind him – I’ll give him legitimacy.

December 1, 2000

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Gee – you’re a published author, acclaimed artist, self-made millionaire, well-known member of fashionable society, patriot, former international spy … and humble, too.

November 30, 2000

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States Rights. Supreme Court.

November 29, 2000

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How d’ya like my selections so far, pop? Powell. Card. Cheney.

November 27, 2000

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Clearasil. Dimpled chads. Remover.

November 26, 2000

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No caption. (Al Gore and George Bush are gladiators. Their swords have sliced off each others’ arms and legs.)

November 23, 2000

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Remove the giblets. :Preparing your first Thanksgiving dinner.

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Chest pain? Stomach pain. Head pain.

November 22, 2000

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Fertility rate: 6.63 children. A very real pregnant Chad.

November 21, 2000

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No caption. (Al Gore and George Bush leer at each other below the stage at a puppet theater. They hold their hands up and lawyer finger puppets holding baseball bats face each other.)

November 19, 2000

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Your carry-on luggage must fit in here. Your body must fit in here. Departure gates.

November 16, 2000

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Hillary haters.

November 9, 2000

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Why, yes – Sometimes I do find your cheerful morning demeanor somewhat irritating.

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No caption. (2000 presidential candidates Al Gore and George W. Bush are jockeys riding horses towards the finish line. George W. Bush edges ahead by tilting the beanie on top of his cap.)

November 8, 2000

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NRA & a Bush Win.

November 5, 2000

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The Emperor has a D.U.I. DUI.

November 3, 2000

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Security? We have a possible holiday rage shopper in the housewares department … It’s not even Thanksgiving and there are Christmas decorations!!

November 2, 2000

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Migrating for campaigning. Congress.

November 1, 2000

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The Choice. Gore Bran. Ingredients: Artificial flavor, corn syrup, artificial flavor, artificial flavors. Frosted Flake. Ingredients: Air, sugar, nuts, fructose, lactose, glucose, vitamin enriched natural flavors, partially hydrogenated to prevent separation. Variety Pak. Buchanan Fruit Loops. Nader Mueslix. Browne Nut Crunch.

October 31, 2000

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Mirror, mirror on the wall – Whos’ the biggest spender of them all? You are.

October 29, 2000

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I can’t wait for this to be over so I can get out of this silly thing. Yeah – Halloween costumes can be uncomfortable. I’m talking about Nov. 7. Compassionate Conservative.

October 27, 2000

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F. GW. Pundits. And they call us airheads.

October 26, 2000

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Sir, telling me that you believe in the death penalty for parking violations is not going to excuse you from jury duty …

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We’re a Bush supreme court.

October 24, 2000

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On the day of the test I will surround myself with experienced and knowledgeable people. Comix.

October 20, 2000

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Tax cuts. Pork. Programs. Surplus.

October 19, 2000

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I’m afraid your take-no-prisoners approach is hurting the morale and productivity of our working group, Charlene.

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The Prime Minster today scrapped plans to rename Mt. Logan for former P.M. Pierre Trudeau. The U.S. Republican congress promptly proposed renaming it Mt. Ronny Reagan.

October 18, 2000

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Duh. Talking points. We’ve created a monster.

October 17, 2000

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Why are you repulsed? We are the victims?

October 13, 2000

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Pre-Debates. Dunce. Post-Debates. (Smiley faces.)

October 12, 2000

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We got a call about a woman showing no visible signs of life … Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Me, me, me, me, me, me. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Me, me. Rescue.

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Pro Choice. Major league government intrusion in a woman’s private life. Big time.

October 11, 2000

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Rocks. Jerusalem. Settlements. Bullets.

October 10, 2000

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Cheney. $ 2 Billion Fed. Contracts. The government had absolutely nothing to do with the success of Halliburton.

October 7, 2000

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Seniors Vote. Ya gotta speak up to get results from Washington.

October 6, 2000

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Bush’s foreign policy experience. Epcot. World showcase.

October 5, 2000

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Monique always throws the most interesting dinner parties …

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Now, under my proposal for every dollar that I propose in spending for things like education and health care, I will put another dollar into middle-class tax cuts. And for every dollar that I spend in these two categories, I’ll put two dollars into paying down the national debt. I think it’s very important to keep the debt going down and completely eliminated it. I will put Medicare in an ironclad lock box and prevent the money from being used for anything. Call Serbia and Montenegro … of Serbia and the Yugoslavia as they … I think we should support the people … other than Medicare. Hey! He’s not stumbling!

October 4, 2000

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Soft media and polls.

September 29, 2000

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Kleenex. National Right to Life. We’re concerned for the emotional health of a woman using RU-486.

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No caption. (Horror movie actors run on a treadmill. They are followed by an audience member, a director and a censor.)

September 28, 2000

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I didn’t touch him; I just said statistically that he’s going to die 7 years before me …

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Women’s vote. I’m a passionate conservative. But I’ll take care of you.

September 27, 2000

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Ring … ring … ring … Telemarketer answering machine.

September 21, 2000

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No caption. (Rick Lazio, as a growling dog, arches around a calm Hillary Clinton who stands at a podium).

September 14, 2000

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Well, your personals ad DID say you were looking for a fun-loving and vivacious SWF … single/white/fairy, right?

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